Listening to Labyrinth - OOMPH! (original German vers.)
So since I've gotten into a new hyperfixation over a character from an odd trope (so much so I made a fuckn shrine), I've had to really look at myself when it comes to guilty pleasures. About what is okay for me to like, what's not okay, if its ethical, if I'm upsetting anyone... Should I even care if I'm upsetting anyone over something I'm enjoying? What's so wrong about LOVING something? If it isn't harming anyone. And what is so wrong about liking this thing a lot? Letting it cushion life's hard blows for me, making every day something new to look forward to.
All my life I've worried about what others think of me. Its safe to assume I have an anxiety discorder (not diagnosed). Having connections and friends in my life is very important to me. My friends mean everything to me, making connections with people and having others that like to have me around? That's a natural human thing, I mean what person DOESNT want to have people in their lives?? Humans survive off of each other for millennia, having no connections or community means dying... I suppose I'm getting too personal right now, Im trying to not make this into a personal diary since others read it.
Being super into things is part of who I am!! There's a new thing I like, I study it top to bottom, analyze things, consume fan content. I seek out company from it, I seek bonding moments with it, like talking about it to some close friends. I'm lucky to have friends that let me ramble a little bit instead of shutting me down.
But I'm not even talking about Deltarune in this instance. EVERYONE likes Deltarune! The cringe part I feel about certain hyperfixations, the fact that I KNOW it's not everyone's cup of tea. It makes me feel like I want to hide it. How would I explain this thing to people? Would I look weird and crazy? I very much could, I have a history of looking like it at least when I talk about it. Talking about this subject and holding it back like I have a coke addiction or something. BUT ITS NOT THAT??
Since like, 2020, I've been trying to kill these worries in my mind. I've dealt with enough people who've shut me down when I rambled, or people that exclaim their hate of the thing I so belove, especially when I talk about it so often. I'm just about done being shut down, feeling guilt over something I love. Feeling like I might lose my mind in a hyperfixation or something, WHICH!! HAS!! NEVER!! HAPPENED!!
I love killer characters, I love funny dialogue, I love when a character is slightly out of their mind, AND I LOVE GOOD VISUAL CHARACTER DESIGN AND COOL OUTFITS AND DRAWING STYLES! OF COURSE I'd like this particular thing.
So what if I learned I like yanderes? SO FUCKING WHAT if I ENJOY something thats WEIRD AND ODD?? I'm going to sound odd for a minute. I imagine a scenario in my head from someone talking to me about this thing that I like:
"Oh, this content warning... bro.. youre into that? I'm starting to think differently of you as a person, actually."
Then I'd beg like:
"Wait!! wait no!! I'm not into that, I swear!! Honest, its the humor in the game, and I don't know what happened!! That content warning only applies to one ending. I mean I... I"
It just occured to me that I made a comic about something similar to this when I was like, 17. With my old sona.
I'm not harming anyone over liking something, even if something has warnings plastered all over it to warn others who might not want to see it. If I'm losing a friend over something I like, are they even worth keeping? It may be hard for me to make friends, but it's not worth keeping a friend if they don't accept me for who I am, and what my interests are. I'm already super aware of what each friend I have doesn't like, and what might upset them if I bring it up. I trust myself enough to not drive someone away over something I like.
Anyways, sort of unrelated. Ive been working on these sketches of a 404 keychain for a couple of weeks in between projects and working. Ive never made one before, and I wanted to make something i'd personally like for myself!
Here's the sketches. I haven't shared these anywhere, so you could consider this as blog exclusive content teehee...
